There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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