You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i think my cat just said my name.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
