I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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