Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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