Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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