Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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