I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
