He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
