coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
