I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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