its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
