Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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