If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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