I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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