You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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