she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize