I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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