'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
