Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
