From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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