Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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