Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You ruined the universe
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
