you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
