dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
