I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
