Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
