There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
