I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
