Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
