The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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