I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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