Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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