O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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