so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
