OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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