I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
