I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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