Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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