I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
