Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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