i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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