Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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