At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bring me that man meat
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
