margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
