Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
