last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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