how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
