So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
