Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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