Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
