I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
