Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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