i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
