I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
