just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
