Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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