tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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