so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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