can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
