I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
