i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
