I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
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