You just made me feel so damn special
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
