Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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