If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
