last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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