every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I just sharted jello shots
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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