...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize